After I first learned I had a tumor growing in my head, I had an urge to name it. I referred to it as “the little alien” or “the invader,” but I felt he needed a proper name.

“He,” you ask? Oh, yes, and he’s in there manspreading as we speak.

The first name that popped into my head was Fernando. Now, I’m an ABBA fan and “Fernando” is one of my favorite ABBA songs. But despite my tendency to try to find connections between real life and works of art (who doesn’t love a good metaphorical literary allusion?), I can’t make the lyrics of that song fit this situation. “Do you recall the frightful night we crossed the Rio Grande?” Um, no. The name just came out of nowhere and it stuck. It has no more meaning than being fun to say, like Francisco. (h/t Buddy the Elf)

In mythology and folklore of both Eastern and Western cultures, there are many tales and traditions about the power of naming. In some stories, naming something gives one power over it. In others, naming something takes its power away. To quote Ursula Le Guin, “To speak the name is to control the thing.”

Harry Potter referred to Voldemort by his name from the beginning, shocking more fearful and older wizards who would only refer to him as “he who must not be named.” From the beginning of the story, Harry was able to dilute the power Voldemort held over people by saying his name. At the end of the last Harry Potter book, during their final battle, Harry calls Voldemort “Tom Riddle,” his given name, as a way to weaken and humanize him. Then he kills Voldemort by disarming him permanently with the Expelliarmus spell.

Naming is also part of creating or validating things. We didn’t name our found dog Ruby until we decided to keep her. A dog with no name equals “the” dog. A dog with a name becomes “our” dog. By naming Fernando, I was asserting my control and ownership over him.

My urge to name my tumor was not unique. In a Reddit group for people with brain tumors, the topic often comes up. Some of my favorite names from the group are:

• Brian, an anagram for Brain.
• Jan, named after Michael Scott’s crazy girlfriend/roommate in The Office.
• Alliterations like Tina Tumor or Timmy Tumor.
• Supervillain names like Voldemort, Bellatrix, Donald Lump, Osama bin Tumor, Ursula, Hans Goober, Vladtumor Putin, and Tumorous Maximus.
• Everyday names like Greg, Terry, Bob, Steve, and Charlie.

Clearly, when you have a brain tumor, it helps to have a sense of humor. Keeping things light has helped me keep my situation in perspective. After all, despite Fernando taking up residence in my head for a few years, I am quite healthy and happy, with wonderful friends and family, a career I enjoy, an amazing chorus to sing with, and fun ways to spend my time. Best of all, by tomorrow evening, Fernando will be reduced to tiny and harmless bits of tissue in a test tube – disarmed and powerless.

Can you hear the drums, Fernando?

Expelliarmus!